Sowing the land : ready or not, here it ends.

(Tuesday morning, April 5, 2011) As I sit at the Tegucigalpa airport waiting for my delayed flight, I try to savor my last moments in Honduras. I’m still trying to process everything, the last few weeks just went by so incredibly fast and I don’t feel entirely ready to leave. But for the sake of this blog, I’ll try to organize my thoughts.   

I’ve been truly overwhelmed by everyone’s kindness.  Normally one to keep my feelings to myself, I’ve been incredibly moved, I was on more than one occasion on the verge of tears during one of many going-away parties this week.  I was honestly surprised by the outpouring of gratitude, kind words, warm smiles and numerous hugs I’ve received as this experience was coming to an end.  I felt like I should be thanking everyone else for letting me into their lives and for giving a shy, young, inexperienced graduate the opportunity to learn through trial and error.

The thought that I could have so easily missed this opportunity and gone without this life-changing experience or meeting such wonderful people is almost enough to make me cry.  And to think that this all happened in a year, one little year!  I’m going to miss Honduras, it’s culture and all my friends terribly. In retrospect, a year is nothing. It will take a while for me to realize how much I’ve changed, how Honduras affected me, my outlooks, my perceptions, my personality, my habits.  But I know I’ll be forever changed, and I’m glad for it.

In the end it’s always easy to look back with rose colored glasses, conveniently forgetting the bad, but that’s what you learn from, that’s what makes you stronger. I’m not saying that this year was perfect, it wasn’t. Yes it was difficult, but it was also wonderful.

Professionally speaking, it was a challenge to start a public health program out of nothing in the hospital. There was so much against us, decades of bad reputation and mismanagement, nothing and no one in the way of public health… I was pushed out of my comfort zone many many times.

I know I didn’t do much that was visible to others and a part of me wishes that I could see more of the fruits of my labor, it sure would look better on my resume.  I wish I could say that I started a program that targets X population and that we’re serving X number of people in the community and as a result X has happened. I can’t say that because we’re not there yet. Before the fruits of one’s labor can be seen, the land has to be prepared and the weeds taken out. And that’s what I helped do.  Sometimes those weeds are stubborn. Sometimes you stumble across tree stumps and boulders that you can’t move by yourself. You are forced to work around them and wait until something bigger and stronger than yourself can come to help. Sometimes there are droughts that you have to wait-out or insects that attack the young crop right when you finally begin to see the green little sprouts forcing their way through the hard ground. People may pass by the plot of land and think that the farmer has let his land deteriorate. But the farmer and his family know the truth, that even though you can’t see it, hard work has been put into the land, the results just aren’t visible…yet.

So I will leave with peace knowing that I was one of many that helped prepare the “soil” for the next stages of the hospital's growth. And throughout it all I was  (figuratively speaking),  sunburnt, bitten by bugs [and not to mention parasites and amoebas ;) ], kicked by the horse, and ignored by the oxen. But I also enjoyed the clean air, the sunshine, the company of others, the home-cooked meals, and the pride of doing a hard-day’s work.  It may not be time for me to see the fruits of my labor and reap the harvest, but I’m okay with that. One day it will be my turn.

I don’t know what I’m going back to, just how I didn’t know what was awaiting me in Honduras a bit over a year ago. But I’ll be patient, work hard, and have faith it will all work out, that’s all I can do. Who knows, maybe I’ll be back soon.

P.S. I’m not done with this blog!! Stay tuned to read about the always humorous and uncomfortable process of re- adjusting to U.S. culture (reverse culture shock)

quote for the day:

"The only reason to fear the future is if you've forgotten how God has helped you in the past" 

T, over and out.